Notice

I've noticed lately that I like to.... not favor but like something a lot to an extent where its not healthy.  Like T.V. Shows or books.  Pretty sure something is wrong with me if that happens a lot.  I probably need to get out more.... Its getting easier as the day's go by but also somethings are getting harder.  I don't know how to explain that.  Its easier for me to live without my family and to live with 5 other girls but like other things are hard.  Still don't know how to explain it.

Its hard for me to see my friends to go through such hard times.  I hate to see them and read what is happening in their lives and how hard it is for them.  I just want to take all their pain away from them.  I know that would mean that I would have all the pain but I am good at hiding the pain.  Well at least I think I am.
I feel like crying.  I don't know why.  All my emotions are bubbling at the same time.  I wont cry cause my roommate is in the room with me.  So many hard things has happened in my life.  I hate talking about my life.  Only a few select know about those hard times.  My older sister didn't even know until awhile after something happened.

I hate talking about my life cause I don't want people to worry about me and I don't want the special treatment people give you when you are hurt.  I make my life a facade in so many different ways.  With my friends during High School I rarely talked about myself and what I am going through.  But I have those friends who go to friends for the help.  I envy them sometimes.

I really need to talk to someone.  I just don't want to be judged.  I know that if I talk to someone I will start crying and I don't want to cry in front of them.  So many times I wanted to talk to someone.  All those times I did not.  I know everyone has those hard times and each person has a different thing to say to help me through those hard times but I just can't.  Maybe I should start talking to someone.  Who?  I don't know.  Any offers?  :)

I thought that coming up to college I could forget about all those difficult times and start over but no, all those hard times have to come rushing back in.  I don't know what to do....

I need to talk to someone.