I make great friendships sometimes. They always start out okay and they just go for a great friendship, but then they don't want to be friends anymore for some stupid reason and I just don't know what to do when it just ends.
At USU, I had some great friends. I mean we did everything together. We were totally best friends. I have so many pictures off all of us together. Then something started to happen to one of our friends, we just thought she needed some space, so my roommate joined our group and we still had amazing times. This girl who needed time came back and started to make things bad in our group. The 2 guys started to go crazy and make stupid accusations about me and I did all this bad things and started rumors. Which is totally not true cause it was all the girl who didn't want to be friends anymore.
I don't really talk to those 3 anymore. Only my roommate. It sucks though cause I miss those great times we had together and now we don't even talk.
Here is a recent one. I have this great friend at work. He is this great guy who I can just talk to and we can just have fun and make fun of the stupid things people do at our work. He know I'm married cause my husband is one of the managers. He is also super seriously dating someone and they plan to get married. He has told me about her and she sounded cool.
I was texting one day about work and a question about tubing down a river. We just made small talk and joked around. I then receive a text pretty much saying we can't be friends anymore cause his girlfriend is super jealous we talk to each other.
I was so devastated that he said this. I just lost one of my best friends cause his girlfriend is jealous he talks to other people besides her. He tried to convince her that he should be able to talk to me cause I am moving in 2 weeks. She wouldn't let him. She is making him give up all his friends. I hope she gives up all her friends for him.
I feel so hurt. My friend talked to him about it and he says he can't change it cause she doesn't want him to have to do anything with me.
I wanted to leave Orem with a happy past and happy memories. But the freshest memories I will have is of him telling me that I can't be his friend anymore.
I can't even sleep because it makes me so sad that I can't even talk to him.
I just have to let this out cause I can't even tell him this without his girlfriend freaking out and yelling at him.
I work with him like every day and it hurts to see him and not being able to talk to him.
Work is going to be hell for the next 2 weeks,
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Thursday, May 22, 2014
death
One of the worst days happened to me yesterday.
I was at my friends house. I left my phone in her basement so I could hang with her without diateactions. After awhile and we and grabbed my phone.
There was a message from my mom. She was crying. I felt my heart immediately break. I was thinking about all the things that could of happened.
I called my house. My dad amswered. I had to tell him where I was at like 4 times, he was to sad to really process things.
He handed the phone to my mom. She began to tell me that my grandma died. She was the only grandma I knew. I was in awe. She was only 74, why did this happen. My friend had her hand on her mouth, knowing something sad just happened. My mom told me that a neighbor went to her house and there she was... but wasn't...
I hung up the phone and my friend hugged me, I really needed it.
She drove me home. My uncle was there, it was quiet in house. No one was speaking, you could hear my sister crying in the other room.
My sweet dear grandma. She was a step grandma, but she acted like my grandma.
I know she is happy in heaven with her husband, my grandpa, and all her other loved ones. She is with our Heavenly Father.
She was called home to heaven to help teach spirits. She isn't in pain anymore. I happy for her but sad I can't see her anymore.
I love you grandma, I always will and I will never forget all that you have taught me!
I Love you!
I was at my friends house. I left my phone in her basement so I could hang with her without diateactions. After awhile and we and grabbed my phone.
There was a message from my mom. She was crying. I felt my heart immediately break. I was thinking about all the things that could of happened.
I called my house. My dad amswered. I had to tell him where I was at like 4 times, he was to sad to really process things.
He handed the phone to my mom. She began to tell me that my grandma died. She was the only grandma I knew. I was in awe. She was only 74, why did this happen. My friend had her hand on her mouth, knowing something sad just happened. My mom told me that a neighbor went to her house and there she was... but wasn't...
I hung up the phone and my friend hugged me, I really needed it.
She drove me home. My uncle was there, it was quiet in house. No one was speaking, you could hear my sister crying in the other room.
My sweet dear grandma. She was a step grandma, but she acted like my grandma.
I know she is happy in heaven with her husband, my grandpa, and all her other loved ones. She is with our Heavenly Father.
She was called home to heaven to help teach spirits. She isn't in pain anymore. I happy for her but sad I can't see her anymore.
I love you grandma, I always will and I will never forget all that you have taught me!
I Love you!
Saturday, May 3, 2014
Friends
Its the best when you have that one friend who will drop everything to be with you. The sad thing is that I hate showing my emotions in front of everyone so sometimes I can't even talk about the one thing that made me sad. But they are always there for me and I love them.
Monday, March 3, 2014
Confessions: High School
Im starting some blog titles called, Confessions. There is a lot of stuff that happened through some of the years during some time periods and I just need to get them off my chest or I am going to explode in the future.
This post is going to be about my high school years. All 3 years while I was in Orem High. I even got my journals right next to me to recap some of those bad and wonderful memories.
Lets start it off from where it all started, which was Jr High. I was in the Canyon View 4th ward. I really enjoyed that ward, I had 2 of my best friends there in the ward with me. The Stake Presidents announced they were changing the ward boundaries. We went to the meeting and they announced that my family and most of my neighbors around me, like 20 of them, were sent in the a ward they had created because the ward was growing a lot.
I was sad, one of my friends was down the street and in a different ward. The other friend got to stay in her ward. I wanted to hate the ward but when I went, Kayla Cox, my neighbor, was there and immediately sat by me and we tried to make each other feel better.
That ward was amazing. I met some of the greatest people there. The leaders of my YW groups became my closest friends and the girls were just as amazing.
But High School started around the time the new ward started, so I was trying to get through the first year of high school, new ward and new school. My best friend, Raegyn Crane was supposed to go to Orem High but her family moved in to Timponogas High School boarders.
At the beginning I would sit with Suzanna, Tyler, Andrew and sometimes Jessica and Koa. It was fun hanging with them. They knew how to get my mind off of school. The group slowly started to grow into a bigger group. There was Truman, Wesley, Maryn, Rachel L and Rachel J, Kylee, Camilla, Sairey, Max and Steven. The group was amazing.
Freshman year was amazing. We had so much fun at lunch and we would have parties on the weekends.
That summer I had my first date with Tyler, I asked, by the way, but it was pretty dang fun.
I then asked Andrew out and Raegyn asked her friend Eric. That was one of the worst dates ever. Im not going to give details because some of that is private and just for my journal. But lets just say both the boys were jerks and ended up flirting with some different girls.
In September I had another date with Andrew, okay lets just say I liked this kid. Everyone knew it and I didn't care. I liked him but I wanted to be friends over dating him. This date was with my YW group and it was fun.
I went through school the first half of Junior Year pretty dang good, I went to Sadies with Koa had another weird date with Andrew, but this time it was for my Adult Roles class.
2nd semester of High School is what started to suck. I asked Drew to preference and it was super awkward. After that date, he stopped talking to me. He avoided me, he didn't even want to be in the same group when I was there.
The group started to not talk to me as well. Well mostly the boys. It made me feel like I was some outsider who didn't belong. I tried to talk to them like we used to but they couldn't talk to me the same way, they didn't see me as there friend anymore. The only saw me as an annoying girl who wouldn't give up.
My birthday came up and some of my friends gave me a poster before school that said "101 things we love about Britney." It literally has 101 things that people have said. It is still on my wall cause I love it so much.
I wanted to talk to someone all that year but I never felt lonelier, I hated having one of my best friends avoid me and hated how he turned half the group against me.
This other group slowly entered our group, they were kinda cool but they got some of our friends to not really talk to us anymore and that also started the little downfall of high school life.
I tried every little thing to get him to talk to me but it didn't work, I just wanted to be his friend again.
Summer came, I went on the Trek with my Stake, that was so amazing, one of the best spiritual camps I have ever been to so far. I had Celena talk to Andrew one time and he said he was just scared and he didn't know what to do.
Everyone knew he liked me and that we should've at least dated a little bit but when he avoided me some of my friends got super confused like I did.
All summer I tried to get Andrew to talk but he wouldn't, even Celena tried to get him to talk, nope.
Man, I hate thinking about this, High School sucked.
I talked to him once and things seemed to get better for like a day and then it sucked again. So many times I talked to him and so many times I got hurt.
Sr year came around. That other group was now in our group, completely in our group. But leaving half of us out. It hurt a lot of our feelings cause we could hear them talking about us and hear them having parties and not inviting us. A lot of us didn't like that cause we would invite them to things but they didnt us.
Homecoming came around, I didn't get asked, of course. I went with one of the most amazing girls ever, Alex Judd. We went with a bunch of other girls and we were the best looking group there.
I had a class with Drew and I would always catch him looking at me and it tore me apart
I had a trust issue with people that year. My friends were lying to each other and lying to me and I could see them behind there lies and their issues with me.
For girl ask dances I would always ask the people who I thought were my best friends if I could be in there group and they would always say "We have to many people." That hurt my feelings every single time. But I got to go with Jessie and she is my favorite person.
I went to Preference with Truman. That was the best date I have ever had, ever! He made me feel like an actual person with feelings and a girl with beauty.
The group that invaded us started to push out farther and farther to where we sometimes had to find out own seats at lunch.
I only got asked out once during high school. Max was one of my coolest friends who cared for everyone. That made me feel really good to finally be asked out.
I went to Prom with Crystal, that was really fun cause we were the hottest there even a lot of our friends said we did.
Graduation was happening and I still couldn't feel any more lonely. I tried to make friends with the merging mean group but they didn't want to be in it. My old group couldn't care less about me and I wanted to have 1 friends that would at least talk to me like a real person.
Graduation night was okay, I tried to hang with people I thought liked me and I tried to ignore Andrew.
Summer was okay, didn't hang out with a lot of my friends. Most of them probably forgot about me and most of them probably still don't even care about me.
I don't know why people said they want to go back to high school. High school was one of the worst parts of my life and I can't even imagine going to the reunions. Seeing the faces of people who hurted me and didn't care about me.
I tried to open myself to those people, I tried to be there friends, I tried to talk to them but I ended up getting hurt, getting pushed into myself and having a hard time.
I don't want anyone's sympathy and I don't want sorry's.
Just don't let it happen to anyone else. Don't let there be an Andrew in your life, let him go and forget. Don't let the emerging group get you, make better friends with your good friends and ignore there crap.
This post is going to be about my high school years. All 3 years while I was in Orem High. I even got my journals right next to me to recap some of those bad and wonderful memories.
Lets start it off from where it all started, which was Jr High. I was in the Canyon View 4th ward. I really enjoyed that ward, I had 2 of my best friends there in the ward with me. The Stake Presidents announced they were changing the ward boundaries. We went to the meeting and they announced that my family and most of my neighbors around me, like 20 of them, were sent in the a ward they had created because the ward was growing a lot.
I was sad, one of my friends was down the street and in a different ward. The other friend got to stay in her ward. I wanted to hate the ward but when I went, Kayla Cox, my neighbor, was there and immediately sat by me and we tried to make each other feel better.
That ward was amazing. I met some of the greatest people there. The leaders of my YW groups became my closest friends and the girls were just as amazing.
But High School started around the time the new ward started, so I was trying to get through the first year of high school, new ward and new school. My best friend, Raegyn Crane was supposed to go to Orem High but her family moved in to Timponogas High School boarders.
At the beginning I would sit with Suzanna, Tyler, Andrew and sometimes Jessica and Koa. It was fun hanging with them. They knew how to get my mind off of school. The group slowly started to grow into a bigger group. There was Truman, Wesley, Maryn, Rachel L and Rachel J, Kylee, Camilla, Sairey, Max and Steven. The group was amazing.
Freshman year was amazing. We had so much fun at lunch and we would have parties on the weekends.
That summer I had my first date with Tyler, I asked, by the way, but it was pretty dang fun.
I then asked Andrew out and Raegyn asked her friend Eric. That was one of the worst dates ever. Im not going to give details because some of that is private and just for my journal. But lets just say both the boys were jerks and ended up flirting with some different girls.
In September I had another date with Andrew, okay lets just say I liked this kid. Everyone knew it and I didn't care. I liked him but I wanted to be friends over dating him. This date was with my YW group and it was fun.
I went through school the first half of Junior Year pretty dang good, I went to Sadies with Koa had another weird date with Andrew, but this time it was for my Adult Roles class.
2nd semester of High School is what started to suck. I asked Drew to preference and it was super awkward. After that date, he stopped talking to me. He avoided me, he didn't even want to be in the same group when I was there.
The group started to not talk to me as well. Well mostly the boys. It made me feel like I was some outsider who didn't belong. I tried to talk to them like we used to but they couldn't talk to me the same way, they didn't see me as there friend anymore. The only saw me as an annoying girl who wouldn't give up.
My birthday came up and some of my friends gave me a poster before school that said "101 things we love about Britney." It literally has 101 things that people have said. It is still on my wall cause I love it so much.
I wanted to talk to someone all that year but I never felt lonelier, I hated having one of my best friends avoid me and hated how he turned half the group against me.
This other group slowly entered our group, they were kinda cool but they got some of our friends to not really talk to us anymore and that also started the little downfall of high school life.
I tried every little thing to get him to talk to me but it didn't work, I just wanted to be his friend again.
Summer came, I went on the Trek with my Stake, that was so amazing, one of the best spiritual camps I have ever been to so far. I had Celena talk to Andrew one time and he said he was just scared and he didn't know what to do.
Everyone knew he liked me and that we should've at least dated a little bit but when he avoided me some of my friends got super confused like I did.
All summer I tried to get Andrew to talk but he wouldn't, even Celena tried to get him to talk, nope.
Man, I hate thinking about this, High School sucked.
I talked to him once and things seemed to get better for like a day and then it sucked again. So many times I talked to him and so many times I got hurt.
Sr year came around. That other group was now in our group, completely in our group. But leaving half of us out. It hurt a lot of our feelings cause we could hear them talking about us and hear them having parties and not inviting us. A lot of us didn't like that cause we would invite them to things but they didnt us.
Homecoming came around, I didn't get asked, of course. I went with one of the most amazing girls ever, Alex Judd. We went with a bunch of other girls and we were the best looking group there.
I had a class with Drew and I would always catch him looking at me and it tore me apart
I had a trust issue with people that year. My friends were lying to each other and lying to me and I could see them behind there lies and their issues with me.
For girl ask dances I would always ask the people who I thought were my best friends if I could be in there group and they would always say "We have to many people." That hurt my feelings every single time. But I got to go with Jessie and she is my favorite person.
I went to Preference with Truman. That was the best date I have ever had, ever! He made me feel like an actual person with feelings and a girl with beauty.
The group that invaded us started to push out farther and farther to where we sometimes had to find out own seats at lunch.
I only got asked out once during high school. Max was one of my coolest friends who cared for everyone. That made me feel really good to finally be asked out.
I went to Prom with Crystal, that was really fun cause we were the hottest there even a lot of our friends said we did.
Graduation was happening and I still couldn't feel any more lonely. I tried to make friends with the merging mean group but they didn't want to be in it. My old group couldn't care less about me and I wanted to have 1 friends that would at least talk to me like a real person.
Graduation night was okay, I tried to hang with people I thought liked me and I tried to ignore Andrew.
Summer was okay, didn't hang out with a lot of my friends. Most of them probably forgot about me and most of them probably still don't even care about me.
I don't know why people said they want to go back to high school. High school was one of the worst parts of my life and I can't even imagine going to the reunions. Seeing the faces of people who hurted me and didn't care about me.
I tried to open myself to those people, I tried to be there friends, I tried to talk to them but I ended up getting hurt, getting pushed into myself and having a hard time.
I don't want anyone's sympathy and I don't want sorry's.
Just don't let it happen to anyone else. Don't let there be an Andrew in your life, let him go and forget. Don't let the emerging group get you, make better friends with your good friends and ignore there crap.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
So sad
Today has probably been the saddest day in my life so far. Slade has been applying to schools for pharmacy. He applied to U of U and that is the school that we were hoping slade would get into.
We got the denial email today. Immediately I started to crying. I couldn't help it. I know that it's probably for the best but it mad me so sad.
I'm so afraid to move to another state, to not be by my family and friends. I'm afraid while I am gone, that something will happen to my family and I won't be able to get to them in time.
I'm afraid my best friends will get married while I'm not here.
I'm afraid people won't except me and my views.
I know it's for the best and I am trying not to cry every 5 seconds but I can't stop.
We will see where we go in a few weeks.
We got the denial email today. Immediately I started to crying. I couldn't help it. I know that it's probably for the best but it mad me so sad.
I'm so afraid to move to another state, to not be by my family and friends. I'm afraid while I am gone, that something will happen to my family and I won't be able to get to them in time.
I'm afraid my best friends will get married while I'm not here.
I'm afraid people won't except me and my views.
I know it's for the best and I am trying not to cry every 5 seconds but I can't stop.
We will see where we go in a few weeks.
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