Just me

Im have been thinking of things lately.  I wanted to post this yesterday but my dad loves to sit at the computer and watch Netflix for endless hours and the other computers are hopelessly slow.  Whenever I get on my computer I always get distracted by things.  Like Manga.  Speaking of Manga I finished Special A.  Its a cute/funny manga.  I liked it a lot.  Its a romace comedy, yes I noticed the romace.  Im a girl and sometimes I need to let my romancey part out and its mostly through manga.
When reading romance manga I sometimes realize that a couple of people in the book remind me of my friends.  They either remind be of them by appearence or by the way they act.  These manga people are mostly in high school.  They all have people who fall head over heels for them.  Then in real life it happens for people too.  Then there's me.
When I was about to turn 16 I was convinced that I would get asked out on that day.  Bam nothing.  I was hopeful that I would get asked out to homecoming or prom during my high school years.  That never happened.  For homecoming my senior year I went with one of my really good friends who always makes me feel like a girl and not some low life who is different from all other girls.  We had fun with the 6 other girls who also did not get asked.  I was so grateful for this friend.  She was a junior during this but she is more like a college freshman to me.  She has a big heart.  I love her.  During senior year I was hopeful that I would get asked to any of the other smaller guy ask girl dances.  Nope.  Prom came around.  Someone told me that one of my best friends was going to ask me.  I was so excited then I found out that he asked someone else.  I was like "whatever he can ask someone else, maybe he wasn't even going to ask me cause I heard that from someone else."
Me and my friend decided to go to prom together because it was are senior year and we wanted to have fun.  So we hung out and one of my YW leaders did our hair and then we got dresses, had a photo shoot, and then went down to the dance.  At first we didn't know what to do cause it was just us so we hung around some people until our real group of friends came.  They broke up into two groups and we hung with the one that let us join.  Im glad they let us join.  Near the end my "date" ;) was feeling sick and depressed.  Depressed because the guy she liked was there with one of our really good friends.  During the dance I would always look around just to see who was in the crowded dance area.  I would see the other group, the part that split and I would just watch.  Then the guy that I like and the one who pretty much tore me apart would be watching me too.  It was awkward but I tried to show him that I was having fun without him.  We were on the last song or the second to last song and one of my best friends, the one who was going to ask me, comes up to me and say's, "Britney, you look amazing."  My heart melted.  I never got compliment from a guy, I always get them from girls but not guy's.  The other time I got a compliment was at preference earlier that year when I asked my good friends Tall Man.  I was picking him up and his mom and sister were both telling me I looked amazing then he comes around the corner and just flats out say's I looks beautiful.  That made me happy and at the preference dance he flaunted me around to everyone.  Haha.  But anyway I was so happy when he said that to me.  I tried to give him a compliment back and I told him I liked his hair slicked back.  Haha.
I've only been asked out on one date.  That was a fun lax date and it was different.  But it makes me ask myself "what is wrong with me?  I can't even get asked out to any dances, am I really that ugly inside and out?"  Well I haven't asked anyone that and I really want to.  But I probably wont.  Im hoping that college will be better for me.  Im hoping that guy's will ask me out and I will find the man I will marry.  I don't want to be like my sister who is still living at home and isn't married.  Well she is 23 but in Utah you get married at 21 or you are old.
Yes I will get married in the LDS temple.  Im proud that I have made this decision and Im going to stick to it no matter what.
I don't like watching Chick flicks because they are about love and Im not good with love so I don't watch them.  I like comedy chick flicks, well just for the comedy pretty much.  I always like a good laugh.  Haha
For my 17th birthday my friends made me a poster called "101 things we love about Britney"  They all came up with 101 things they like about me and they wrote them down on a bright yellow poster, yellow is my favorie color.  They drew pictures on it and everything.  When I got that poster I was as happy as can be.  I remeber my friend coming up to who was a senior while I was a junior and she was like, "wow you are so happy.  You are just bursting with life."  All I could do was laugh.  I was happy.  I read that poster over and over.  Some people told me what they wrote and other fought over what they wrote.  Haha.  Now I think, "Do they still think that?"  Well some of my friends, I don't even speak to half of them anymore.  After we graduated Im pretty sure they didn't want to see me again.  Whatever some of them I think that.  Haha but others Im really going to miss when I go to college. 
This year for my birthday when I turned 18, I got nothing from my friends.  I only got like 3 happy birthday's at school.  I was so depressed.  These random girls gave me lollipops on the bus cause my brother and his friends sang to me.  Then I went to my stake center to play basketball with the young women from my ward.  They sang to me.  That night I cried.  I was so depressed that my friends didn't care about my brithday.  All of my other friends got huge flowers, cake, balloons etc for their birthday.  It was a depressing birthday.  Im glad for the random strangers who will brighten your day.  Hanging out with my family was pretty cool but I was still depressed. 
This lead into something deeper.  Something I haven't told anybody and I never will.  This was the worst part of high school, the worst part of life so far.  Im not even going to share it with you.  Only my family, one of my closest friends in my ward, my YW leader, and my bishop know's.  It got better.  As I realized what happened I tried to change.  School got better.  I was having fun.  Trail are good and they make me come closer to Havenly Father.  :)
Well I have done a lot of talking.  I hope you can forgive me for putting all this down at once.  Hopefully next time things can be more funny.  :) :) :)